Some Stuff I Wrote

Some stuff I wrote:

I Don't Doubt This

No excuses this time, princess,
Cuz a promise means another broken heart.
And all that's left are promises
And it seems they all are breaking
one heartstring at a time (one heartstring at a time)
two more and we'll go bust (two more)
two more but we're still here (two more)
I see the misery (I see the company)
I see the tears (I see the smile)
"Couldn't you give it another shot"
She said, but she never need to ask
"I promise this time...
oh yes, I promise"
Broken hearts and broken glass
Broken homes and broken bones
two more lies and we'll go bust (two more)
two more but we're still here (two more)
No excuses left (no promises kept)
No excuses left (no promises kept)
No excuses left (no promises kept)
No excuses left (no promises kept)


one month headstart (on hating you)

i say i blame you but we both made this mess
my heart is gone and i must confess
that i never believed you in the first place
so take to the streets and drive your ass home
cuz in my head you left an hour ago

i would tell you i hope that you crash and you burn
but your life already is (not half as bad as mine of course)
but you'd never know (cuz i never told you)
but you thought i'd know (but you never told me)
this one-way street won't take us home

never's a promise (and so is goodbye)
so just up and go and stop with your lie
that tomorrow you'll call me (cuz you just never will)
if you were a true friend, you'd know better by now
if you meant what you said then i know it's not goodbye

so go drive too fast and take it too far
and give me a break (cuz your face i can't take)
you mean nothing to me (i guess that's a lie)
i mean nothing to you (that's more to the point)
but the one-way street won't take us anywhere

and tomorrow's sun set at your first "hello"

Sell Out From The Start

buying in or selling out
it's all the same (we're all the same)
cuz who's left to smile
when what's in is the frown
don't compromise pretty
cuz "pretty is power"

but tomorrow has the promise
of sterile suburban sprawl
filled with brand new homes
on the picturesque streets
and an image to keep
(cuz you live in their eyes)

and never say never
(never's forever)
it's a promise to keep (but i know you won't)
you fit right in in that bullshit town
and tomorrow you'll find
i'm not coming home

Excerpt from "Just Let Go"

This is the first part of my short story for LTWR 8A called "Just Let Go"

Feeling overwhelming freedom and the reassuring safety of his arms as he breathes life back into me and whispers in my ear: “you are safe babe, you are safe. Don’t worry Lindsey, You are safe. You worry too much. I’ve got you and we’ll get through all of this. It’s gonna be alright. You are safe.” I turn around and look into his deep brown eyes expecting to find a face familiar - the face that haunts my dreams - but I don’t know him. I don’t know his face. I don’t know his eyes. I believe every word he says to me and can see all of my life in his eyes, but I don’t know him, I just -

*Beep* *Beep* *Beep*

Deep breath, in through the nose and out through the mouth. I am okay, I am safe, and I am alive. Open eyes, glimpse the late morning rays fighting the shades and pushing back the darkness.

My darkness.

My heart falls in a breach of emotions and memories because I remember this darkness of mine. I remember that I am me. I am here. That I am sad. And that I miss Kelli; if only I could have started this day off in his arms then it could be a good day. But I’m so alone and sad. I am me. Fucking reality…

Sometimes to Live, You Have to Die

The early morning sun creeps in the through the blinds as Lindsey lies reposed motionless on the couch. Her chest barely rises and falls with each weak and halfhearted breath. Seemingly unprovoked, her eyes shoot open, she gasps for breath and rolls off the couch and onto the floor amid a multitude of empty pill bottles, boxes, and sheets of various sorts. From acetaminophen, to ibuprofen, to sertraline, to alprazolam, to diphenhydramine, the bottles and box surround her like confetti existing as dirty evidence of the greatest mistake she’s ever made, but also her best success. She pulls her breaking body across the carpet, gripping the fibers with her fingers and pulling her struggling body forward.

Her muscles seem to fail her as she collapses to the floor, eyes wide open and tears forming. Her eyes dart around as throw tears she makes out the bottles's forms lying to her left and she fells jagged empty boxes pushing their way into her stomach and legs as if to imprint a reminder of her choice.

From the still of the spinning world comes a voice cutting through the air and into Lindsey: “Sometimes to live you have to die.” The absurdity of such words appearing source less seems to be lost on Lindsey as she grunts out “I did. I did. I just died.” And in a sudden convulsion of her muscles which looks to shock even herself, Lindsey’s hands grasp a trashcan which she pulls towards are and lifts her head over, then she throws up the half-dissolved pills in a sobbing fit of every emotion Lindsey’s ever known. The taste of the bitter pills and vomit taints her mouth and the smell dirties the world around her causing her to keep dry heaving for five minutes.

Her stomach quivers from exhaustion, and Lindsey’s body goes limp and rolls onto the ground, eyes wide open, unblinking, tears flowing out staring straight up at the blurred ceiling. Her body then starts to shake as she hears a strange voice say “Come on, just breathe” then another “how could you be so weak, you were on your way out? You were on the way to peace, to freedom. You’ve only failed yourself. You will never be anything. You will die alone even sadder than now.” Lindsey says aloud “Sometimes to live, you have to die;” then closes her eyes as the world spins on.